Tuesday, October 07, 2008

3 Ways Humans are Hastening the Apocalypse

I'm grateful to all of you working against global warming, the massive extinction of species, and the threat of pandemics. I know you could use more help from me, but I have at least three other dangers out there that nobody else seems to be concerned about.

1. Cyberdyne and their Evil Beginning

The Terminator series got it wrong. Cyberdyne did not start the evil robot rebellion in California, they are starting it in Japan. They have announced they will soon be mass-producing a robot suit called Human Assistive Limb (or HAL) designed to help people with physical disabilities. They don't mention if HAL has vocal capacity, but it's not hard to imagine myself in my 70s and confined to the suit:

"Open the bathroom door, HAL"

"I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that."

Many news sites and blogs are reporting that Cyberdyne is also behind the creepy Repliee R-1 android series, yet oddly, Cyberdyne's official website says nothing about the R-1. [For example, The Sun: Boffins unveil life-like robogirl]

Have They Not Seen Conquest?

Reuters reports today that a tavern in Japan is using monkeys to serve customers.

The Kayabukiya tavern, a traditional "sake house" north of Tokyo employs a pair of Japanese macaque called Yat-chan and Fuku-chan to serve patrons.

The younger of the two monkeys, Fuku-chan, hands out customers a hot towel to clean their hands before they order their drinks, as is the custom in Japan.

Yat-chan, who is about 12 years old, also hand out towels but serves drinks as well.

Anyone familiar with the Planet of the Apes canon knows this is how it starts. First, monkey waiters. Then chimpanzees helping out as personal servants. Orangutan babysitters. Gorrilla soldiers. Then they rebel, some of us survive in the wild to be hunted as slaves, others survive in the tunnels below New York until they blow up a doomsday bomb and it is all over.

Don't be fooled by the cuteness!

3. Messing with the Sacred

While I'm sure the Japanese are doing plenty of other things to endanger our future, item 3 is being done by a misguided coalition of experts from the UK, Germany, Sinai and Russia.

What are these dangerous scholars, conservators and curators up to? They are reuniting the entire manuscript of the Codex Sinaiticus in digital form and "making it accessible to a global audience".

As you know, dating from the mid-300s, the Codex Sinaiticus contains the oldest known complete copy of the New Testament. However, this version has marked differences from any version now in use by established religions.

If you are familiar with conspiracy literature, such as Robert Ludlum's the Gemini Contenders, you know that if the wrong people get ahold of an ancient version of the Bible that has something unexpected, like say no mention of the resurrection of Christ, chaos will ensue. Religious war, armageddon, all that stuff.

How can you keep it out of the wrong hands if it's on the frickin' internet?

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