Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Table Art

The next time you are melting glass with a blowtorch in the dining room and inadvertently burn a hole in your Ikea table top, you don't have to throw out the table. You can do what I did.

  1. Find a piece of glass that is somewhat bigger than the burn area and scratch lines in the table around the edge of the glass.
  2. Peel off the surface of the table with a pair of pliers and remove the torched bits of cardboard honey-combing underneath. Vaccum out the bits of ash and cardboard.
  3. Gather up plasticine from the craft cupboard and your the little toy pirates you've been saving on the windowsill along with a piece of the honeycombing and a smooth surface that is about the size of the hole in the table.
  4. While you watch Project Runway Canada, make a sculpture of a giant squid attacking pirates in the ocean on the smooth surface. Use the honeycombing as a maximum height guide.
  5. Sneak downstairs and use a spatula to place the sculpture in the hole.
  6. Cover the hole with the piece of glass.
  7. Go to bed and patiently wait until the next morning to be told that you are brilliant.
If you're not into sculpting a giant squid with pirates, you could instead make this into a tiny terrarium and keep little animals in there.


accidental altruist said...

awesomeness. makes me wanna burn a hole into something. seriously, you have a brilliantly creative mind.

btw: ... I had your "Chinese dumplings @ home" for dinner tonight.

Dana Lee Ling said...

Truly awesome. Impressive. I'd burn a hole in my table, but my wife would kill me long before I could turn the table into art.

Anonymous said...

David, you never cease to amaze me.

Jennifer said...

You are delightful. This made my day.

Anonymous said...

knew David was up to something on Tuesday night, but I have learned to wait patiently for the surprise. When I woke up in the morning, I ran down the stairs with that same feeling of delight and excitement that I used to get at Christmas as a little kid. I rushed to find what he had been up to with glass and plasticine - needless to say I was thrilled by what I discovered. Oh, I am a lucky one...

Anonymous said...

not thats thinkin'!

David Scrimshaw said...

Thank you, all, for the compliments.

Dana, the first thought that went through my mind when I saw the hole was "I'm dead!"

But then I realized that I am a grown-up now and that it's my table and it only cost me $5 for the top because I found the legs on Gladstone Avenue. Still, I covered the hole until I had figured out what I was going to do with it.