Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Breaking News: I just met Mag Ruffman

I don't want you to be too envious about where I work, but I just scored a free lightbulb, a free Bridgehead coffee, and I met Mag Ruffman. Here are my top 5 reasons that it's too bad Mag Ruffman is married to someone who is not me:
  1. She is a licensed contractor and owns her own tools.
  2. She might not be afraid of bats, but even if she is, she could make a bat house for them.
  3. She is very funny. (Did you see the episode of her show where she put the caulking around the bathtub?)
  4. She is involved with good causes like Habitat for Humanity.
  5. She's a hottie.

On the other hand, if she married me, she'd probably run out of things to do around the house in a couple of years, get bored and divorce my sorry ass.


Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be like so cool if Mag Ruffman was married to that Holmes on Homes Guy. And they, like, had there own show, where, like, Mag would start off the show promoting, like, do-it-yourself, like stuff. And then, like, halfway through, she completely f**ks up, and, like, Holmes jumps in and complains about how it's not to code, and like, now it's going to cost, like, way, way more because they have to bring in the professionals, which somehow involves pulling up concrete in some other part of the house, and Mag gets mad at him, and they break up, and the show gets cancelled, and so they have to show old Mary Bellows reruns from 30 years ago on the CBC...

David Scrimshaw said...

That is not how it would go down.

Mag would finish up and Holmes would come along, "let's see what you've done. Wait a second, this isn't minimum code! This is maximum code! This is perfect! If everyone did work like this, I'd be out of a job.

Holmes would go into a depression because he's not happy if he can't find things to complain about, Mag would try to stand by him because she's that kind, but in the end, he would become hateful and vindictive and she would realize that her leaving him would be for the best.