I spoke too soon

Children who have been orphaned by AIDS play at their grandmothers home where they live since their farther died; by Radhi Chalasani

Danny Michel as always was a delight. Melodic hooks, intelligent lyrics, gifted guitar playing. It figures that he also cares about more than burying wires. He also cares about the impoverished children.

When I saw the sweet women with the World Vision display at the back of the hall, I swore. At one point tonight Danny mentioned that in Africa right now, there are more orphans due to AIDS than there are children in Canada.

Which is not a number you can imagine until you start thinking about every single Canadian child you know and imagining they are orphans.

Danny did speak up for burying the wires. But he posed some provocative questions:

"Where will the birds sit?"

"And what about underground bugs? Will the wires electrocute them? Has anyone looked into that?"

As my own little protest for tricking me by inviting me to a benefit for something ridiculous but then reminding me of something serious and awful, I'm not giving to World Vision and I'm not going to link to them.

Instead, I'm going with the Stephen Lewis Foundation and giving you this link to "Grandmothers to Grandmothers". Because as you've probably heard, it's the grandmothers who are looking after all those orphans.

Excited About the Danny Michel Benefit

On the evening of Wednesday, 29 November, Danny Michel is playing in a benefit concert at the Glebe Community Centre and I am really excited. Sure, I like Danny Michel and going to see him play is always a terrific thing, but it's the cause he is singing for that has me excited.

The Glebe Community Association is raising money to bury the utility wires during the Bank Street reconstruction.

Do you know how many concerts I've gone to that were raising money to cure horrible diseases, bring democracy somewhere, free prisoners of conscience, feed children, or save the planet? No, you don't, neither do I, it's a lot.

And usually at these benefits, I feel guilty. Especially when it's a really good cause and I haven't done enough about it. Which is every cause, because when you're talking about something that involves suffering or the planet dying, how can anybody ever do enough?

But tomorrow night, I'm just going to lean back and enjoy Danny's sweet melodies and intelligent lyrics. If someone wants me to buy a raffle ticket for some lame prize, I'm going to say "no thank you". If the president of the Community Association gives a speech, I'll use the opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Because I don't care if they bury the wires or not and Danny Michel in a small venue is worth $20 any day.

Fun at the Mannerly Guide Zine Launch

Ms Matilda Manners and Ms Edwina Etiquette presented an excellent workshop on Saturday evening. In starched white shirts and with excellent posture, they read us the entire contents of their Mannerly Guide to the Wooing and Winning of the Object of Your Affection.

Following the reading, they enlisted two audience members, "Chris" and "Chris", to enact dramatizations. In the first scene, an impolite wooer failed to secure a date with the object of his affection and in the second scene, the wooer who followed the advice in the guide succeeded in gaining an email address.

In a brilliant stroke, the workshop ended with a Question and Answer session. This allowed the participants to clarify matters that either needed elaboration or were not addressed in the guide.

The first question related to having an Object of Affection who was allergic to ones cat and afraid of ones dog. I believe it was Ms Matilda who informed us that "the polite dater always has allergy medication at home."

I was able to ask a question I have long wondered about - the number of times one should ask for a date when the Object of Affection always has previous engagements (such as tending their llama farm). While I have friends who won't ask more than once, others say you should give a prospect three strikes. The correct number? No more than two, says Ms Edwina.

The final question was about what to do if one is the Object of Affection and the wooer doesn't get the polite hints about llama farming. Both of the authors recommended a direct approach in that case. Ms Edwina modelled a response that politely concluded with "I'm keeping a record of your calls and if you persist, I will be informing the police."

Ottawa Winter Parking E-Alerts

Avoid Tow Trucks: Especially handy for Centretowners - You can sign up for emails that tell you when you cannot park a car on the street over night. [Click Here]

Tricking Out The Bike: My Dream Trailer

That's a mighty nice trailer, I thought when I saw this fella on Elgin Street a couple weeks ago.

But when I make my bike trailer, I'm not going to need a wheel barrow because my trailer will convert to a barrow.

Bonus Link: Tricked-out Bikes on Flickr

Inefficient Uses for Binder Clips - Clothing

More than 500 binder clips; Photo by stochasticgirl.

I recently came across a photo of this dress made of binder clips created by Psycho Girlfriend.

Designers Kasey McMahon and Vanessa Bonet are clearly top-knotch hipster indie girls and I admire their work, but I feel it is necessary to point out that binder clips aren't the appropriate technology for every job.

If you want to make a mesh dress, those red nets on the clementine boxes would be much easier to work with.

Uses for Binder Clips - In the Kitchen

Uses for Binder Clips - Swedish for Broken by Megan.

Megan's Ikea dishrack started to go on her and she fixed it with what looks to me like a 1.5" binder clip.

She didn't mention this on her blog, but I think the handles on the clip could hold a few forks and spoons.

Good News: Wedel is Back!

Wedel: A Taste of Europe has reopened across the street in one of the storefronts on the ground floor of the Bell Street apartments. (221 Bell St. N)

Once again, there is a low-cost source of dark chocolate in the neighbourhood.

I suspect the new location will be good for them. Their stock is more visible and shy people like me will feel less like they're trespassing in somebody's home if they go in.

I am no good at Boggle?

I always thought I was pretty good at Boggle. And when I saw that someone had created a free Boggle game on the web, I thought, this is great! An alternative to MuMu (at which my current high score is 1548) that will work a different part of my brain.

And while WeBoggle is nicely addictive with it's three minute rounds that start right up again after the scores come up, I find it hard to keep playing when I'm getting scores that rank me at #86 out of 135 people playing.

Michelle April's Vernissage - Nov 5th

Way back on Sunday, November 5th, Michelle April had the vernissage for her show at le Café Aux Quatre Jeudis in Hull (or in Gatineau if you can keep up with all the name changes around here.)

It turned out to be a real happening. Michelle's striking art; her singing with Red Wood Central; a collection of Ottawa's glitterati including poet Robyn Jeffrey and cake artist Jenny McMaster; and a big table of delicious appetizers.

[Bonus tip: If you're at a vernissage to look at the art more than to buy the best piece there, first hit the food, then look at the art. The art will stay up on the wall the whole time you're there, but the food won't stay on the table.]

Uses for Binder Clips - Wooing Hipster Indie Girls

Here is a tip you will not find in the almost encyclopedic tour de force Guide To The Mannerly Wooing and Winning of the Object of Your Affection.

I suspect it is because the authors made a serious effort to be gender neutral.

Hipster indie girls love top-knotch office supplies. If you give the hipster indie girl of your dreams a collection of brightly coloured binder clips in assorted sizes, she will believe that you "get" her. We may not all love office supplies, but we all love to feel that we are understood.

A Very Polite Zine Launch: Miss Matilda Manners and Miss Edwina Etiquette would be happy to partake of your company and teach you how to woo and win the Object of Your Affection. Saturday November 25th, 8pm 320 Lisgar @ Bank

Fun at the Rockcliffe Book Fair

Marcie, Jim and I went to the Rockcliffe Book Fair on Saturday afternoon. We bought enormous quantities of books. It was really lucky that the very kind Kathy A loaned me her car the night before.

Of course, they don't just sell books at the book fair. In the gym, they had a wide selection of food and everywhere you went the Rockcliffe Public students were selling stickers to raise money for Guardian Angel School in Pitseng, Lesotho, their twin school.

I bought my first sticker from a boy who might have been in grade two or three. He let me look through his whole supply and I chose one with bright blocks of colour.

Later in the gym, two grade sixers, Olivia and Danielle, approached us. I showed them the sticker I'd already bought. "You could buy more," said Danielle.

"Okay," I said. "Let me see." Olivia handed me her stickers and I looked through them. They were mostly rectangles with a capital "L" in black marker and scribbled lines in coloured pencil. "Are these all you've got?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said.

Now I know these kids were doing something for a good cause, but they wanted something from me, namely my hard-earned cash. "Are you really bringing your best game to this," I asked. "These kids in Lesotho, do they send you letters? With pictures? Are they just a few scribbles?"

Here's a video that Marcie shot during this exchange:

Unfortunately, Marcie didn't get the end of this conversation. When Olivia said, "most people just give us the money."

And Danielle practically yelled, "we're not asking you to marry the stickers!"

Jim and Marcie laughed so hard that I broke down and gave them all the change in my pocket and took their best sticker.

You might think that we'd already had more fun than you could expect with charity stickers, but ten minutes later, the girls came back.

Olivia: "We thought about what you said..."

Danielle: "and it moved us."

They'd gone off and made a whole new set. Each one different, colourful and with nice pictures. I had to break a twenty.

I just hope that when these two finish school and go into the work force they continue to use their powers for good and not for evil.

Links:

• the Book Fair
• Help Lesotho

Uses for Binder Clips - Entertaining Babies

Zoom writes:

Many years ago I used a binder clip to entertain my baby. He was still in one of those baby recliner chairs all the time, and not yet mobile so easily bored.

The recliner chair sat on the coffee table with him in it, and I put a hook in the ceiling with a string attached to the hook, and at the other end of the hook I attached a binder clip.

And every hour or so I would clip something new onto the binder clip: a little toy, a tinfoil pie plate, a set of keys, whatever was handy. And he would look at it and bat it around and just generally amuse himself with it.

Hours and hours of versatile baby entertainment.

Culture Shock on a Saturday Night

Saturday night, I hit the town with a bright blue bandaid on my forehead.

First Stop - Reading at Venus Envy

Apparently some sour blogger out there has referred to Megan Butcher as a "sex fiend". Megan seems pleased by this and says she plans to get a t-shirt proclaiming it. (Apparently this blogger said something about Jennifer Whiteford liking children and small animals, but it didn't seem as likely that she'll be getting a t-shirt to advertise this.)

Megan gave a powerful reading, I managed to draw a picture that doesn't look much like her. Her reading was too short for me to try for another one that looked more like her.

"I don't normally write about sex, because, uh" said Jennifer before she read us the story of a teenage girl losing her virginity, "I'm a prude."

Given her apparent comfort reading aloud while in front of a display that contained bondage restraints, dildo harnesses and DVDs with titles like Spank Me; Jennifer's definition of "prude" is more inclusive than my definition might be.

I'm afraid I have no picture of Jennifer, because I just couldn't get anything remotely like her. I'm blaming my pen. I need just the right pen to draw pretty women.

I also failed with Jesse Dangerously. I'm not blaming the pen for my failure with him, I'm blaming him. He moved around too much for me to get one angle very long and he talks so fast when he's rapping that I had to put down my drawing stuff and focus all my attention on him to catch anything he said. Jesse is really likable and I liked his stuff even though I'm not into rap. I do have to admit though that listening so intently got tiring after forty-five minutes or so.

Getting back to the blue bandaid, I got some nice smiles from the people at Venus Envy.

Second Stop - Barrymores

The Million Dollar Marxists are really good at what they do. What they do is very loud and with a fast, hard-edged drum beat. Not really what my companions were into. "I'm glad I paid your cover charges," I said to them.

"So are we," they replied.

As for the bandaid, nobody at Barrymores seemed to even notice it.

Third Stop - the Lone Star

I don't get out to the St. Laurent Lone Star very often. I don't know what it's like every night, but I can report that although I saw lots of cowboy hats, I saw no line dancing this Saturday.

They had a band I really enjoyed (although I think their name, Table 69, is stupid.). All sorts of great '80s hits, like the Romantics - What I Like About You. Exactly the stuff I like to dance to. When the band took a break, the dj played the same dance music you'd hear on Elgin at Maxwell's or in Benalmadena, Spain at the Marina Beach disco.

In short, if you don't mind driving to the boonies, not a bad place to go to hear music you can dance to. However, don't wear a blue bandaid on your forehead. People openly stared. Several asked "what's that?"

"It's a bandaid," I replied (although technically it's a generic brand "adhesive bandage".) Many of the people who stared scowled when they realized what it was. Because half of these people were large men who seemed generally unhappy with the way their evenings were going (or something else, I don't know... life in general? the demise of line-dancing?... any guesses?), it felt like it might get ugly.

I checked with my companions and determined that my yellow belt in judo from grade six was the highest martial arts qualification we possessed between us. I pointed out the nearest exit. "That's the direction to head for. You run. I'll pull off the bandage, show them the stitches, and do my best to slow them down."

But I'm not going to go back to "flesh" coloured bandaids. It's not the most important battle out there, but you have to take a stand against racism when you can.

Links:

• Megan's blog and post that mentions me creating the drawing shown here
• Jennifer's blog and post that talks about the reading and is more favourable about the MDMs
• Jesse Dangerously
• Million Dollar Marxists
• the Lone Star - (never mind, their web site irritates me)
• the Romantics - What I Like About You